2 out of the 3 long distance relationships I've had evolved out of a friendship that started while I was visiting their city. After much nurturing, it only felt natural to take things to the next level. We walked into the relationship aware of the bumpy road that comes with long-distance, yet confident that the bond of our friendship rendered us more than prepared. And we were. I vividly remember learning the quickest routes to my man's home from both my parents' house and James Madison, and I kept my apartment door unlocked whenever I knew he was on the highway, on his way to me. Whenever we both had a free weekend, you could bet that we were road tripping, taking turns visiting each other's friends and family in various cities. We went the distance together, playing "passenger-must-get-drunk-and-be-the-DJ" every step of the way. From the outside looking in, we were perfect. And for a while, we were. Before it all turned sour, it was the most exciting, spontaneous relationship I've ever been a part of. That still holds true to this day. The sex, the road trips, the random social gatherings...everything, were all so unpredictable; no two experiences were the same, and that's what keeps a relationship exciting. A girl can only be so lucky to embark on a relationship of this magnitude and be able to keep it for life.
Even still, with all the spontaneity, something was missing. Yes, the fun was there, the adoration was there, and the passion and affection were there, but we still didn't have enough to last. If you were to ask me a year ago, hell, even months ago, I'd say it was because of infidelity. And while that may be a large part of the reason why we ended, a larger underlying issue stifled our growth. In a long-distance anything, there must be reassurance that no matter how much distance is between you two, the importance of their role in your life is never unwavering. No one wants to feel disposable, and we often underestimate the amount of effort it takes in order to make sure they know they aren't. Infidelity wasn't the issue. The notion that I wasn't worth fidelity was what helped me walk away without thought of a second chance.
The same goes with friendships.
Calling someone my "friend" is hardly enough. Living at least 250 miles away from most of my friends, there's a mutual effort that needs to be exerted in order for our friendship to thrive, and it warms my heart to know that we're pretty kickass when it comes to this.
My priority when I moved to NYC wasn't to live a lavish life and become a professional socialite, ready to give any and everyone who visited a mind-blowing experience with my breadth of knowledge on NYC hotspots. When I moved here on January 15, 2011, my only concern was expanding my network. I had no clue what I wanted to do as a career, so I dedicated my time to meeting as many people as possible and becoming somewhat of a professional networker until I found my passion. When my 24th birthday rolled around, I was excited to share NYC with my favorite people. I had 16 confirmed guests, and it warmed my heart to know that after Hurricane Irene ruined my plans last year, I'd be spending this birthday with those that meant the most to me. After a rough night of fighting with my then significant other, nothing made me happier than traveling to Midtown to greet people who made breathing that much easier.
We all checked into our hotel rooms, danced and laughed over cocktails, and roamed Union Square and the Lower East Side for birthday fun. I couldn't believe that nearly everyone I loved--from childhood, to college, and beyond--had traveled the distance just to see me happy on my birthday.
It was better than any card. Better than gifts. Dare I say it? It was better than money. These women and men who I love so much, text, GChat, and email everyday, and update on my life regularly saw fit to be by my side and heal a heart they didn't even know was hurting. I suddenly forgot about the fight from the night before. The tears and sadness disappeared. To them, the term "friend" wasn't enough, and they showed me how indispensable I am to them. Looking back, I realize that those 16 people all left the same state to come and be with me without once suggesting that little ol' me travel to them. Sure, it would've been a lot easier, but that's not always what it's about.
With a long-distance, you just have to do what it takes to show them that they really are important to you. You do what it takes to show that their companionship isn't disposable. In that past relationship, what I needed was fidelity. And while that'll always be a need, my new lovers have shown me something new. Nothing says "I love you" like going the distance to be by their side when they need you the most--and even when they don't.
Even still, with all the spontaneity, something was missing. Yes, the fun was there, the adoration was there, and the passion and affection were there, but we still didn't have enough to last. If you were to ask me a year ago, hell, even months ago, I'd say it was because of infidelity. And while that may be a large part of the reason why we ended, a larger underlying issue stifled our growth. In a long-distance anything, there must be reassurance that no matter how much distance is between you two, the importance of their role in your life is never unwavering. No one wants to feel disposable, and we often underestimate the amount of effort it takes in order to make sure they know they aren't. Infidelity wasn't the issue. The notion that I wasn't worth fidelity was what helped me walk away without thought of a second chance.
The same goes with friendships.
Calling someone my "friend" is hardly enough. Living at least 250 miles away from most of my friends, there's a mutual effort that needs to be exerted in order for our friendship to thrive, and it warms my heart to know that we're pretty kickass when it comes to this.
My priority when I moved to NYC wasn't to live a lavish life and become a professional socialite, ready to give any and everyone who visited a mind-blowing experience with my breadth of knowledge on NYC hotspots. When I moved here on January 15, 2011, my only concern was expanding my network. I had no clue what I wanted to do as a career, so I dedicated my time to meeting as many people as possible and becoming somewhat of a professional networker until I found my passion. When my 24th birthday rolled around, I was excited to share NYC with my favorite people. I had 16 confirmed guests, and it warmed my heart to know that after Hurricane Irene ruined my plans last year, I'd be spending this birthday with those that meant the most to me. After a rough night of fighting with my then significant other, nothing made me happier than traveling to Midtown to greet people who made breathing that much easier.
We all checked into our hotel rooms, danced and laughed over cocktails, and roamed Union Square and the Lower East Side for birthday fun. I couldn't believe that nearly everyone I loved--from childhood, to college, and beyond--had traveled the distance just to see me happy on my birthday.
It was better than any card. Better than gifts. Dare I say it? It was better than money. These women and men who I love so much, text, GChat, and email everyday, and update on my life regularly saw fit to be by my side and heal a heart they didn't even know was hurting. I suddenly forgot about the fight from the night before. The tears and sadness disappeared. To them, the term "friend" wasn't enough, and they showed me how indispensable I am to them. Looking back, I realize that those 16 people all left the same state to come and be with me without once suggesting that little ol' me travel to them. Sure, it would've been a lot easier, but that's not always what it's about.
With a long-distance, you just have to do what it takes to show them that they really are important to you. You do what it takes to show that their companionship isn't disposable. In that past relationship, what I needed was fidelity. And while that'll always be a need, my new lovers have shown me something new. Nothing says "I love you" like going the distance to be by their side when they need you the most--and even when they don't.
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