The Ultimate Sacrifice.

How much do you sacrifice for love? At what point does it shift from sacrifice to settling? Have people become so selfish that they've failed to really appreciate when someone has sacrificed for the sake of their relationship?

As I find myself embarking on more long-distance relationships than "same-city" relationships, I realize that there's something else that trails closely behind honesty, loyalty, respect, and trust. Sacrifice. Merriam-Webster defines sacrifice as "destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else." I see it as relinquishing power for the good of something more important. In relationships, you're no longer living life just for you; if you invite someone to share your life with you, you must do what's necessary to make the merge a successful one. But how much do you sacrifice for another? How do you know if you're settling for the sake of a relationship?

What I love most about the company I keep in New York is that each person is a NYC transplant. We've all moved here for our careers, and making friends along the way has been the cherry on top of the sundae that is our budding professional lives. One of my girlfriends moved to New York a little before I did in January 2011. She had never before been in a relationship, and lucky her, she found her guy shortly after moving here. He's perfect for her, and together, they're disgustingly cute. A few months after dating, they moved into an adorable apartment in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and about a year later, her boyfriend got a job offer in her hometown, granting them a better quality of life than they have in NYC. Now, she had been getting homesick, and had plans of one day moving back to be closer to her family, but perhaps a year down the road. In spite of her original plan, she's picking up and moving...at the end of this month. We had a going away gathering for her this past weekend, and after we went through a few bottles of wine, she said at least three times, "I mean, I could've gone for another year here, but, y'know..." The gorgeous Minnesota apartments we helped her decide on suddenly took a backseat to that statement.

Maybe it's because I'm no stranger to long-distance relationships, but I would've entertained the idea of maybe another year (or at least 6 months) in NYC before joining my beau. Is that wrong? Granted, she and her love have discussed marriage, kids, the whole nine, but that's further down the road. She technically has time to live the life she wants before embarking on a new life with her man. In this case, is she settling, or simply sacrificing for the sake of her relationship?

When I think about the appreciation of your mate sacrificing, I can't help but recall my last relationship. In the beginning stages of a somewhat budding romance, my company downsized and I got laid off from my position as the editor of a digital marketing agency. Thankfully, freelance editing through my own company was enough to keep money in my pockets. In addition to that, I've been blessed with a successful mother who owns her own medical practice. I proposed the idea of being hired as her social media director, and I used the skills I attained while employed full-time and developed a web presence for her business. What I love most about my work, other than seeing the fruits of my labor, is the flexibility that freelancing provides. Naturally, I was ecstatic to have the freedom to travel to and from DC to be with my man. It was perfect.

Things didn't always go as planned, though. I seemed to be the only one excited about this newfound freedom. Any weekend we spent together, there was an 80% chance that I suggested it. Our relationship had a rocky start, so I was in no rush to pursue full-time work until I was able to strengthen our bond with as much time together as we needed. My life was a dream; I was working in my desired field, made enough money to enjoy NYC, and had all the freedom in the world to travel whenever I wanted. Why didn't he care as much as I thought he would? Had the tables been reversed, I would've invited him to NYC as much as possible. Many couples fail because of the lack of trust due to constant distance. Because of previous problems, he didn't trust me, yet didn't want me close. I'll still never understand it.

When we broke up, I told him that I put off pursuing full-time work so that we can work on our relationship. That's partly true. I have no desire to work a 9-5, but who doesn't want a little extra money and a little extra experience? I will one day pursue full-time work, but only when I'm ready to sacrifice freedom for slavery (and gain invaluable experience, of course). My guy then said, "You never told told me that, and if you did I would've told you not to. I'm working on my own thing right now." My heart was crushed. If you're not ready to make a relationship work, why entertain it? Distance takes work, and I put forth the effort while he made counterefforts to push me away. In his eyes, I sacrificed my 9-5 life when it was unnecessary. Was he unappreciative of my sacrifices, or did I make hasty sacrifices by doing what I thought was necessary for a successful relationship?

In the end, everyone's idea of sacrifice varies. Maybe distance isn't an option for my friend, so she must sacrifice and make the move. Maybe my ex's idea of sacrifice was staying in a relationship with someone he didn't trust, not me skipping out on full-time work to be with him. Whatever the case, I appreciate the concept of doing what it takes to make a relationship work, and we can only be so lucky to find someone who values that concept as much as we do.

Worlds Colliding.

Since before I can remember, I've had the desire to feel included. Today, the thought of 9 year-old me being left out makes me cringe; I can remember so vividly how much I hated it. I would go places I didn't really want to go just so I wouldn't miss out on the memories that were made. When my mother would spend hours after church talking about God knows what with seemingly every single member, I wasn't the type of child to tug at her skirt, begging to go home. No, I was the girl in my signature half up/half down hair style dirtying up my church clothes, reenacting TV competition shows, and running through the church's graveyard with my best friend, Tiona. After Children's Church dismissed, we wouldn't even find our mothers; we'd get involved in some kind of activity that prompted us to act more grown than we actually were. One evening, we sat in the church parking lot discussing the dreaded, inevitable "first kiss" and practiced our mastery of it on the inside of our fists. The majority of memories I made as a child took place in church, and no matter how old Tiona and I get, those memories are as fresh as the day they were made.

But of course, time passed, and I was introduced to more and more wonderful souls. In high school, my dance team and I saran wrapped our crush's car during a football game. We wrapped the entire car and put peanut butter under the door handles. My ability to be wise and mature beyond my years is something I'm most proud of. After transferring to JMU, I remember strolling into Business Law, exuding a psuedo-confidence as I took a seat in the "black corner." Just when I thought it'd be difficult to win over these people who had clearly established bonds that didn't include me, a meek, light-skinned girl named Victoria swiveled her chair around and asked quietly, "What's your name?" I'll never forget pretending to be wide awake the day her phone call interrupted my nap as she invited me to lunch.

Shortly after, I met two more girls, and we all moved in together. We spent nights quoting lines like, "I wanna do hoodrat stuff wif my frans," and following suit. Victoria was the most responsible out of the group, so when she was sleep, we'd do things we knew she wouldn't approve of. One boring JMU night, we lit a slug on fire. Another night, we realized we were 20 and had never smoked before, so we snuck to Wal-Mart and bought what we believed to be the classiest cigarettes they had available (Virginia Slims are classy, right? Turns out, they're all gross.). We smoked one each before hiding them forever in my bottom drawer.

The list of memories is endless, and as I neared graduation in 2010, they just piled on. I met SO many amazing men and women that have left an impact, and while I've gone through a few phases in my young adult life--both honorable and not-so-honorable--I ultimately made it out of undergrad a better woman. I have God and these people to thank for that.

As I've stated before, I moved to NYC with no friends, only family. I maintained a 365 blog based on my adventures with my cousin, Malikkah, but for the first few months here, the feeling of being surrounded by the love of friends was becoming foreign. After driving almost 400 miles to JMU,  I sat on my friend Ciera's couch and broke down about how lonely I'd gotten. I made a transition from being constantly surrounded by people I love to feeling alone in the biggest city in the country. Ciera held me in her arms as I bawled. I wasn't happy, although my blog stated otherwise. I could only continue to put up a front until reality matched my daily posts.

I eventually met Michelle, someone who was something like a godsend. We had the same quirky sense of humor, were both new to the city, and had only one thing on our minds--falling in love with NYC and all its splendor. Exploring on a budget, we spent late nights at Blockheads, filling up on that good cheap tequila, and drunkenly wandering through the city, snapping pictures along the way. Although she was just one person, I had met many others through her, and my eagerness to get out and enjoy the city actually led me to connect with other old friends I had no idea moved here. I wasn't lonely anymore. I had my own real life in NYC, and I was so content. I still am.

Exchanging stories about friends back home was hardly enough; I wanted her to put faces and personalities to the stories! She'd never understand why Victoria's jokes are so funny; it's not necessarily the joke she tells, it's the fact that quiet little Delicate breaks the silence to talk about how much she hates sub-par penis. Hearing about Tiona's ability to drink like a fish is hardly enough; Michelle needs to see her in action. The girl doesn't even flinch when taking shots. It's impressive. I wanted Michelle to see all of this, so...I blended my worlds.

Have you ever been in a relationship where your signif seems to have a completely separate life? They mention names you've never heard of, frequent places they've never taken you, and make memories without even filling you in on a the great time they had. It's tough! You want nothing more than to feel included, but unfortunately, the blending of worlds is a foreign concept to some. It's even harder when you're in a long distance relationship. Not only are you not near physically, but there's a rift that seems to grow deeper as you feel like you're not a vital part of their life. You begin to feel things like, why don't they want me to meet their friends? Am I not fun enough? Are there secrets I'd find out upon meeting some of these friends? The list is endless. No matter how old we are, the desire to feel included is one that never leaves. I'll admit that now, as a freelancer, I enjoy having my alone time. I get to know myself better and fall in love with Janna more and more. But just as I have the desire to feel included, I know that as a long distance lover to my friends in other states, I must include them in my separate life. I never want them to feel as if I've forgotten how kickass they are as friends and started a new life that doesn't include them. I never wanted Michelle to feel like she can't measure up to the friends I rave about every chance I get. I'm in love with my friends, so, it was only fitting that they meet.

Whenever she's able to escape from her job, I pack up Michelle in my suitcase and bring her along for a road trip, making sure to stop at the first Chick Fil-A we see. Whether we're staying in DC, Northern VA, Richmond, or Harrisonburg, my family and friends embrace her as if they've known her for years. And their friends do the same with me.

I'll never believe that every single person in my life needs to meet and become friends, because that's the beauty in having diverse circles. Every group of friends serves a unique and vital purpose, and they don't and shouldn't always overlap. I am, however, a firm believer that when you love someone as much as I love my girls, and you meet someone who is equally awesome, why not allow your worlds to collide? Relationships, friendships. In so many ways, it's all the same.