How much do you sacrifice for love? At what point does it shift from sacrifice to settling? Have people become so selfish that they've failed to really appreciate when someone has sacrificed for the sake of their relationship?
As I find myself embarking on more long-distance relationships than "same-city" relationships, I realize that there's something else that trails closely behind honesty, loyalty, respect, and trust. Sacrifice. Merriam-Webster defines sacrifice as "destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else." I see it as relinquishing power for the good of something more important. In relationships, you're no longer living life just for you; if you invite someone to share your life with you, you must do what's necessary to make the merge a successful one. But how much do you sacrifice for another? How do you know if you're settling for the sake of a relationship?
What I love most about the company I keep in New York is that each person is a NYC transplant. We've all moved here for our careers, and making friends along the way has been the cherry on top of the sundae that is our budding professional lives. One of my girlfriends moved to New York a little before I did in January 2011. She had never before been in a relationship, and lucky her, she found her guy shortly after moving here. He's perfect for her, and together, they're disgustingly cute. A few months after dating, they moved into an adorable apartment in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and about a year later, her boyfriend got a job offer in her hometown, granting them a better quality of life than they have in NYC. Now, she had been getting homesick, and had plans of one day moving back to be closer to her family, but perhaps a year down the road. In spite of her original plan, she's picking up and moving...at the end of this month. We had a going away gathering for her this past weekend, and after we went through a few bottles of wine, she said at least three times, "I mean, I could've gone for another year here, but, y'know..." The gorgeous Minnesota apartments we helped her decide on suddenly took a backseat to that statement.
Maybe it's because I'm no stranger to long-distance relationships, but I would've entertained the idea of maybe another year (or at least 6 months) in NYC before joining my beau. Is that wrong? Granted, she and her love have discussed marriage, kids, the whole nine, but that's further down the road. She technically has time to live the life she wants before embarking on a new life with her man. In this case, is she settling, or simply sacrificing for the sake of her relationship?
When I think about the appreciation of your mate sacrificing, I can't help but recall my last relationship. In the beginning stages of a somewhat budding romance, my company downsized and I got laid off from my position as the editor of a digital marketing agency. Thankfully, freelance editing through my own company was enough to keep money in my pockets. In addition to that, I've been blessed with a successful mother who owns her own medical practice. I proposed the idea of being hired as her social media director, and I used the skills I attained while employed full-time and developed a web presence for her business. What I love most about my work, other than seeing the fruits of my labor, is the flexibility that freelancing provides. Naturally, I was ecstatic to have the freedom to travel to and from DC to be with my man. It was perfect.
Things didn't always go as planned, though. I seemed to be the only one excited about this newfound freedom. Any weekend we spent together, there was an 80% chance that I suggested it. Our relationship had a rocky start, so I was in no rush to pursue full-time work until I was able to strengthen our bond with as much time together as we needed. My life was a dream; I was working in my desired field, made enough money to enjoy NYC, and had all the freedom in the world to travel whenever I wanted. Why didn't he care as much as I thought he would? Had the tables been reversed, I would've invited him to NYC as much as possible. Many couples fail because of the lack of trust due to constant distance. Because of previous problems, he didn't trust me, yet didn't want me close. I'll still never understand it.
When we broke up, I told him that I put off pursuing full-time work so that we can work on our relationship. That's partly true. I have no desire to work a 9-5, but who doesn't want a little extra money and a little extra experience? I will one day pursue full-time work, but only when I'm ready to sacrifice freedom for slavery (and gain invaluable experience, of course). My guy then said, "You never told told me that, and if you did I would've told you not to. I'm working on my own thing right now." My heart was crushed. If you're not ready to make a relationship work, why entertain it? Distance takes work, and I put forth the effort while he made counterefforts to push me away. In his eyes, I sacrificed my 9-5 life when it was unnecessary. Was he unappreciative of my sacrifices, or did I make hasty sacrifices by doing what I thought was necessary for a successful relationship?
In the end, everyone's idea of sacrifice varies. Maybe distance isn't an option for my friend, so she must sacrifice and make the move. Maybe my ex's idea of sacrifice was staying in a relationship with someone he didn't trust, not me skipping out on full-time work to be with him. Whatever the case, I appreciate the concept of doing what it takes to make a relationship work, and we can only be so lucky to find someone who values that concept as much as we do.
What I love most about the company I keep in New York is that each person is a NYC transplant. We've all moved here for our careers, and making friends along the way has been the cherry on top of the sundae that is our budding professional lives. One of my girlfriends moved to New York a little before I did in January 2011. She had never before been in a relationship, and lucky her, she found her guy shortly after moving here. He's perfect for her, and together, they're disgustingly cute. A few months after dating, they moved into an adorable apartment in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and about a year later, her boyfriend got a job offer in her hometown, granting them a better quality of life than they have in NYC. Now, she had been getting homesick, and had plans of one day moving back to be closer to her family, but perhaps a year down the road. In spite of her original plan, she's picking up and moving...at the end of this month. We had a going away gathering for her this past weekend, and after we went through a few bottles of wine, she said at least three times, "I mean, I could've gone for another year here, but, y'know..." The gorgeous Minnesota apartments we helped her decide on suddenly took a backseat to that statement.
Maybe it's because I'm no stranger to long-distance relationships, but I would've entertained the idea of maybe another year (or at least 6 months) in NYC before joining my beau. Is that wrong? Granted, she and her love have discussed marriage, kids, the whole nine, but that's further down the road. She technically has time to live the life she wants before embarking on a new life with her man. In this case, is she settling, or simply sacrificing for the sake of her relationship?
When I think about the appreciation of your mate sacrificing, I can't help but recall my last relationship. In the beginning stages of a somewhat budding romance, my company downsized and I got laid off from my position as the editor of a digital marketing agency. Thankfully, freelance editing through my own company was enough to keep money in my pockets. In addition to that, I've been blessed with a successful mother who owns her own medical practice. I proposed the idea of being hired as her social media director, and I used the skills I attained while employed full-time and developed a web presence for her business. What I love most about my work, other than seeing the fruits of my labor, is the flexibility that freelancing provides. Naturally, I was ecstatic to have the freedom to travel to and from DC to be with my man. It was perfect.
Things didn't always go as planned, though. I seemed to be the only one excited about this newfound freedom. Any weekend we spent together, there was an 80% chance that I suggested it. Our relationship had a rocky start, so I was in no rush to pursue full-time work until I was able to strengthen our bond with as much time together as we needed. My life was a dream; I was working in my desired field, made enough money to enjoy NYC, and had all the freedom in the world to travel whenever I wanted. Why didn't he care as much as I thought he would? Had the tables been reversed, I would've invited him to NYC as much as possible. Many couples fail because of the lack of trust due to constant distance. Because of previous problems, he didn't trust me, yet didn't want me close. I'll still never understand it.
When we broke up, I told him that I put off pursuing full-time work so that we can work on our relationship. That's partly true. I have no desire to work a 9-5, but who doesn't want a little extra money and a little extra experience? I will one day pursue full-time work, but only when I'm ready to sacrifice freedom for slavery (and gain invaluable experience, of course). My guy then said, "You never told told me that, and if you did I would've told you not to. I'm working on my own thing right now." My heart was crushed. If you're not ready to make a relationship work, why entertain it? Distance takes work, and I put forth the effort while he made counterefforts to push me away. In his eyes, I sacrificed my 9-5 life when it was unnecessary. Was he unappreciative of my sacrifices, or did I make hasty sacrifices by doing what I thought was necessary for a successful relationship?
In the end, everyone's idea of sacrifice varies. Maybe distance isn't an option for my friend, so she must sacrifice and make the move. Maybe my ex's idea of sacrifice was staying in a relationship with someone he didn't trust, not me skipping out on full-time work to be with him. Whatever the case, I appreciate the concept of doing what it takes to make a relationship work, and we can only be so lucky to find someone who values that concept as much as we do.
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