Inception.

    

    I got the idea to start this blog during a conversation with my farthest long-distance lover, Mariel. After making endless memories in college, Mariel packed her things and moved to San Diego for grad school at San Diego State University. Although I never kept my plans to visit her during her time in school, I made it a priority to keep in touch, mainly through texting and group emails with my girls. She understood that I was settling into my life in NYC, so it wasn't easy to pick up and take a trip to the west coast. We had this kind of understanding that no matter how long it's been since we've last spoken, nothing can change our goofy, inappropriate friendship. I did make it to San Diego for her graduation, though, and it was like we never skipped a beat. Inappropriate sex jokes, embarrassing stories, the whole nine. It was good for my soul.

But about the idea for this blog...right. 

     I took a trip to Virginia for another one of my long-distance lovers' birthday during a time when I needed it the most. My guy and I had just split, and I was completely heartbroken and angry that I'd wasted my time on someone who dedicated more of his time to hurting me than actually making the relationship work. I was hurt and confused, and while my perfect attendance at church and reading of books was helping, I needed to vent to my girls from college. I dreaded telling them, because the last time they saw us, we were putting on a smile and pretending that our relationship hadn't reached its expiration date. The front did bring about genuine feelings, and for the first time, I felt that I might be in love and I should probably profess those feelings in an effort to salvage what little was left. To my surprise, he claimed to feel the same, and we made love for what would be our first and last time. But the front we put up simply wasn't enough, and it was time to fight through the ill feelings and answer my girls' question of, "So what's new?!" with, "We broke up."

     Like every long-distance lover should be, my girlfriends were super supportive, validating my feelings and revealing truths about my relationship that I'd been too blind to see before the breakup. Even with clarity and confirmation that walking away for good was the right decision, my heart was still broken. 

     Before heading back to NYC, I spent alone time with Mariel for the first time since college and we got to talking about past relationships and heartbreak. She wasn't a stranger to what I'd been feeling, and she let me pick her brain as she became transparent, telling me how she managed to get through it. Even still, my mind was cloudy. "Why don't you write again?" she suggested.

(Now I'll admit: I used to love blogging, but somewhere along the line I gave it up. I found that it's harder for me to gain inspiration when I'm completely happy with life, so I ditched my blog. I'd thought once or twice about picking it up, but had no idea where to begin again. Mariel suggesting it was something like confirmation.)

"Why don't you blog again?" 

"Eh, I don't want to sit and talk about heartbreak...I want to write something else." 

"It doesn't have to be about your heartbreak. It can be about your friends. OMGALOVESTORYABOUTYOURFRIENDS!" she squealed in true Mariel fashion.

     A love story about my friends? How genius! I'll admit that I haven't had much success with relationships in the past, but something I have been great at is maintaining the friendships with those that mean the most to me. 

     I moved to NYC with no friends, only family, so preserving the friendships I'd built back home was a priority. Email chains, group texts, 3-way calling (yes, we still do that), and Skype dates became my best friends, and because they all live in the DC area I forced myself to rotate homes as I try to visit as many friends as possible. My goal was to make sure my friends knew how much I cherished their friendship, so every chance I got, I was riding up and down I-95. I did what it takes to make a long-distance relationship work, even in the midst of trying to maintain my own crumbling long-distance relationship with a male. 

     I wasn't always perfect in my attempts, but the true friends understood how difficult it gets. Since moving, I've only "lost" one friend, though I can't really consider it a loss. Her friendship closely resembled that of another toxic friendship I'd cut off just months before meeting her. Those close to me knew it, and the friends who have my best interest at heart could detect that this girl didn't. That's my biggest flaw; I tend to be a poor judge of character. But I'd consider this one as more of a gain than a loss. 

     So as I begin this blog, questions loom in my mind. What makes a long-distance anything work? I've never thought about it before, but as I pride myself on almost 2 years in a different city than most of my friends with stronger bonds than ever, I must reflect on what it's taken from both ends of these friendships. With that said, I'd be remiss if I neglected to acknowledge that failed friendships help you understand what it takes, too. So although you shouldn't expect a numbered list through this blog, I will say that this is the big kahuna, the cardinal rule of long-distance lovin':

     Don't even bother trying to preserve it if the person no longer serves a purpose in your life. You'll spend so much time trying to force it and you'll end up exhausted and fed up. Only maintain long-distance relationships with those who have proven to be worth the effort. Not many are.

I just got lucky.